I would like to begin my crashout of sorts with a story. And this is going to be a love story, since I am aware that us Indians are so brainwashed into enjoying all sorts of fantastical and fairytale-like relationships and marriages. So, here we go.

Once upon a time, there lived a 26-year-old main and a 22-year-old lady who were ‘head-over-heels’ in love with each other. Now this affair had all the plot elements of any typical 90s Bollywood and Hollywood romance film – you know, the bouquets, the cards and love letters, and the secret exchange of phone calls at night? Yeah, all that happened.

So after consulting both their families, and finally getting their approval after having proved to them how much they liked each other (like those Hindi and Tamil serials you see on TV), they got married with pomp, splendour and a lot of joy, which was cemented 3 years later with the arrival of their first (and only) child – their son.

Seems like an ideal, strong relationship that cannot be broken, right? Well, you could not have been more wrong.

Exactly one month and 5 days after their progreny had turned 6 years old, the Grim Reaper did his work and the lady met her maker at only 31 years due to “work pressure.” This left a huge hole in the then 35-year-old man’s heart, as he was left wondering as to how this perfect, ideal relationship could be stopped by the the most stupid and trivial of reasons – pressure. Everyone reached out and sympathised with him, believing that their company would be enough for him to tide over the situation.

However, while all this was going on, they forgot about one key element in play here – the son. They all dismissed him, calling him ‘immature’ and claiming that he is ‘too young to understand.’ One person even went as far as to say that his son is a hinderance to the man, and that he should get rid of him at all costs.

This was only amplified by his (the boy’s) behaviour getting more erratic and impulse-driven, thereby promoting more animosity towards him, which led to bullying to such an extent that the boy’s entire sanity and social life became non-existant.

The situation went from bad to worse as even ‘God’ (if he exists, or just call it fate or life) was against him every step of the way, so that every single time he would try to do something that is beyond what anyone else has done, while he is on the cusp of achieving it, ‘God’ himself would appear and say, “You are trying to achieve something? Not on my watch! You will forever be the worst person that has ever walked on this earth, and no one and nothing will be able to save you.” And then, he sends him right back to square one; no reasons, no reversals.

When this ‘cursed child’ finally gained maturity and found out the reasons behind it all, he then proceeded to distance himself from everyone else and adopted anti-feminine and anti-social ideologies: Misogyny, atheism, masochism, antisexuality, bhramacharya, and all the other extremist morals and ideals to fill up that empty space in his heart. No one knew about this, nor did the then 15-year-old boy tell anyone, as he felt that they would criticise him into oblivion.

However, despite all the criticism and passive judgement the son recieved, even though it was from, according to everyone else around him, very reliable sources (his then 44-year-old dad), that gap became wider and deeper, to the point where even parental connections would not know what he was up to.

Now, if this story seems familiar to anyone here, what if I told you that the son in this story is none other than the same person speaking to you right now? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the story I jsut narrated was not the plot of some futuristic Bollywood film, but rather the one of my life.

This goes to show that even if you think that your child is unaffected by all of your marital shenanigans, think again – they’re the ones who are affected the most, even more than you will ever be.

After watching 18 years of relationships starting, ending and restarting (probably far more than what most of you might have experienced in your entire marital life), I can, for a fact, say this – Love, true love as a concept, is long dead.

No relationship happening right now will ever last long – especially since it seems to be a cool thing to ditch someone and move on, especially in India (live example – look around). Hence, it is justified that relationships (as far as us Phoenix Family members are concerned) are a sort of hoax or social construct created just to make us ‘have a sense of belonging’ or ‘make us seem as if we are part of a community, a tribe.’ But that is all a bunch of blasphemous nonsense in my opinion.

The very reason I have reached to where I am now is due to the fact that I vowed to never be remotely associated with any sort of feminine entity or being. Without the constant, ‘loving’, useless drag on my life, I can push myself far beyond what normal, attention-seeking, comfort-loving meb can even fathom of doing.

Now you may call me ‘stupid’ or ‘mentally retared’ (“Oh my god, he’s just doing this so that he just wants to be different from everyone. He will fall in love, get married, have children and suffer the same torture that we have faced.”) To those who think like this, yes, sure, I am trying to be different from everyone. But excuse me, I am a bhramachari; and it’s you who are the ones who are the mentally-retarded and sensitive here. There are people who are half your age who have full-on arguements and debates about single parenting with their teachers, while you guys sit and cry like toddlers when someone brings this topic up. Now, you only tell me, are you more mature, by sitting and whining abou ti tlike a baby crying over spilt milk and going for ‘councelling’ sessions with Ali Khwaja every half a millenium or so; or are your your children, who are half your age and have school-level debates, arguements and even fights on such issues, more mature than you?!

So, the next time you see your child, be brutally honest to them, no matter the age. Don’t try to use any sugarcoating methods (“Remember when your friend stole your pencil and you didn’t want to talk to them for a few days? Like that, Daddy and I are not talking to each other now.”), because you have no idea how this may affect your kid. Instead, just directly tell it on their face, “Your dad won’t be with us anymore, she has gone to ruin her sanity and marital life with another person.” Only then will your child realise that there is backing to your regressive and anti-social behaviour; and will, over time, help you out of situations where this ‘issue’ may become your liability.

NB: This speech was not made using any AI tool, this is 100% my rage-venting.